Fat chicks are disgusting.

I. AM. FAT.

The title of this little rant was something I read from a guys point of view. Talk about sinking deeper into depression.

I don't feel feminine. I mean I am a girl and I feel like a girl but I feel so fat that I am just not comfortable in the cute women's clothes I would love to wear. I don't take care of myself like I want to, I don't do my hair everyday- I just throw it up, I don't wear makeup- I feel there's no point in it.

Guys don't look at me. They don't notice me, and when they do it seems as if they're just trying to get away as fast as possible. Like I'm going to eat them or something. I might be fat but I'm not that fat. You know? Yes I eat when I'm bored and depressed and pretty much all the time but it's not like over over eating like I would devour everything in my line of sight. I just eat here and there.

I dance. A lot. But I won't in front of people. I don't like being looked at. I don't like being judged.

No matter how much I hate myself because of how big I let myself become I can't/won't get off my fat ass to do something about it. I'm so afraid I'll lose myself if the weight goes. What if I lose weight and I'm still ugly? Shit I don't have the money for plastic surgery.

I have so many issues which now I know they stem from most of my childhood problems- Thanks dad!
I don't know how to fix what needs to be fixed.

I'm so lost.